im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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