My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
