a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My friends, they love my intelligence
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
