My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
