I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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