just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
