We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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