I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
