Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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