Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
