My liver just broke up with me...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
