every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Damn victory sex feels great
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
