As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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