You work out of a Hotel?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
