im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize