So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
