I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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