this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
