Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
