Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
