Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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