My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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