He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
