I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
