I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
