i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
