Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
