i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
