My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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