he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
