At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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