he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
