need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
