just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
