Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
