Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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