If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
