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• (210): View more from Texas

  so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....

  (512): View more from Texas

  oh shit that had to have been awkward

  (210): View more from Texas

  i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.

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  19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.

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• (318): View more from Louisiana

  My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Is this a considering it or regretting it text?

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm

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  25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.

  (253): View more from Washington

  I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?

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• (756): View more from

  I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.

  (1-602): View more from Arizona

  Awwwwwww!

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