I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
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Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
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I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day