you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
