i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
