went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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