Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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