I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
