Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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