What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
