I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I need a beard to bite.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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