Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
