very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
