i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
