she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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