put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
