Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Oh god it's open bar.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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