a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
