just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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