remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
