This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
