I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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