That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
