hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I am available for nakedness
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
