Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Every concussion has its silver lining
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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