Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
