Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
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Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
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When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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