Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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