did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
is it fun? or sober?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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