i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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