i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
