i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
