He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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